Tab cola.

I love three day weekends! If I could arrange my vacation days to have one three-day weekend a month I would. Friday was the Kanda/IQU/Of Montreal show. It was an all-ages show at 5:30. I wasn't looking forward to that aspect of it but it pretty ideal actually. I got see a great show with all my friends, drank, came home early and went to sleep fulfilled at 11ish. Most bar all-ages shows in Seattle are partitioned down the middle between drunks and kids. It's weird, but if you're drinking you don't really care. It must be weird for the kids though, the kids who haven't been drinking, at least.

I'm so proud of Kanda! They are so fun live, they never stop impressing me! IQU was wonderful as always. I think that might have been their first IQU show with William Goldsmith (Sunny Day Real Estate, Foo Fighters, and a load of other bands) drumming with the band. He plays all their beats live and it's a sight to be seen, to say the least. As if there wasn't enough reasons already I highly recommend going to see IQU soon. It was also one of the best Of Montreal shows I've ever seen! That's saying a lot because it's about my seventh time seeing them. The Elephant 6 bands came though the WV/KY/OH tri-state area a lot back in the day.

I spent Saturday evening drinking and eating chocolate pots with Heather and Brad at B&O. Then we went to Erik's set at the Bus Stop for a bit. I love that bar for multiple reasons, one being that they have my favorite diet drink Tab. I've been a huge Tab fan since my childhood. The truest words that I've ever heard spoken about Tab was when Andy Warhol said "You can see a billboard for Tab and think: Nancy Regan drinks tab, Gloria Vanderbilt drinks Tab. Jackie Onassis drinks Tab, and just think, you can drink Tab too. Tab is Tab and no matter how rich you are, you can't get a better one than the homeless woman on the corner is drinking. All the Tabs are the same. And all the Tabs are good. Nancy Regan knows it, Gloria Vanderbilt knows it, Jackie Onassis knows it, Katharine Hepburn knows it, the baglady knows it, and you know it." True, True!

I had a Whisky and Tab the last time I was there so I wanted to try something different. I asked the bar tender for a suggestion so he fixed me a Malibu and Tab which as he said "tastes like a drag queen." Hmmm, in theory seemed like it might be the best and or worst drink EVER. Malibu is a coconut flavored liquor and I don't like coconut, so the drink was a bust. Working at seven throughout the week has really affected my staying out late on the weekends. I got sleepy at about midnight so we headed home but I was able to convince Heather to stop for some midnight Pizza at Hot Mama's on the way home. Here's an excerpt from an email I sent brad about that experience:

The crowd was a weird mix of queers from R. Place and people just out of the film fest, also queers. We overheard the end of this great conversation. This guy was trying to hit on this Asian guy who yelled as if he was offended "NO, I SAID I'M GOING TO FEEL THE PAIN TOMORROW!" Then we hear the other guy apologizing "oh I'm sorry I thought you said you were going to the Philippians tomorrow?! It was like a big gay rolland and martin's laugh in going on up in there.

Sunday I went to the Seattle International Film Fest with Heather to see Pizza. I wasn't super impressed. The flow was all funky but there was a lot of potential. Monday was my day of rest with some On Demand Six Feet Under watching and apartment cleaning. My goal is to have the place completely clean by my birthday on Thursday. By the way, we'll be doing something mostly likely on Saturday for my birthday! I'll let you know more when we figure out what we'll be doing exactly.

Sophisticates.

My shift at work has changed and I'm getting readjusted. It's only an hour earlier but even an eight in the morning shift was a stretch for me. If I thought people walking to work at eight were bad, people at seven are total C.H.U.D.s! Now that I leave an hour earlier at four I don't get to see our night security guard Wally anymore. He's one of my favorite people at work. He used to book bands in Seattle back in the 60's and he's always bringing in his thrift store record finds to show us. He's always got some new zinger that makes me happy. For example, one of the first times I met him he said "your bald head must be like the solar-panel for a sex machine [pause] I saw that on a T-shirt once"! Apparently he didn't notice how pastey I am, but it was a sweet sentiment.

Speaking of hair (or lack there of), last weekend Heather had me look though "hair magazines" with her. I never knew this but there are whole magazines with just photos of hair styles. As a man and being bald since my early twenties you can imagine how foreign of a concept this might be to me. We went thought the magazines with names like the "Sophisticates Hairstyle Guide" and "Celebrity Hairstyles" where I circled and discussed styles I liked with her. It was fun! I'm gay, you say? No, it's a bald thing, you wouldn't understand. You always hear "never trust a bald barber" but I think bald guys know more about and appreciate hair more than anyone. The only time I ever get upset about not having hair is when I see people with great hair abusing it. Ironic hair bothers me the worse. Pho-mullets for example make me want to kill myself or other people in the face. Just like every cowboy has a sad, sad, song you don't know what you got till it's gone.

Speaking of gay, big thanks to my friend Shane Bryant who brought to fruition my dream of a pink offset by a "masculine" brown blog. Sorry fellas, I'm talking about the blog, not Shane.

I got a case of da siff.

Anyone up for a film? Here are some of the movies would be up for seeing this week (May 20th - 26th) playing at the SIFF. Let me know if you're going or would like to go to any of these fine films.

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Friday May 20
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Midnight The Aristocrats
Neptune Theatre

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Saturday May 21
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11:30am The Holy Girl
Harvard Exit

4:00pm Fallen Angel: Gram Parsons
Broadway Performance Hall

6:15pm Lipstick & Dynamite
Broadway Performance Hall

11:55pm Three...Extremes
Egyptian Theatre

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Sunday May 22
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1:30pm The Dying Gaul
Egyptian Theatre

4:15pm 3-iron
Neptune Theatre

6:30pm Genesis
Neptune Theatre

9:00pm Marebito
Egyptian Theatre

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Wednesday May 25
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7:00pm Games of Love & Chance
Harvard Exit

7:00pmRock School
Egyptian Theatre

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Thursday May 26
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6:45pm The Art & Crimes of Ron English
Broadway Performance Hall

Palindromes.

I just put up a small review of the new Todd Solondz film Palindromes on crowndozen.com. Check it out here, if you're so inclined.

Rusty Trombones, Cleveland Steamers, and Dirty Wookies.

When I left tonight at four the line for the midnight showing of Star Wars at the Cinerama was reaching two blocks down towards my work. On my way out my co-worker Earl said "nail salon next door the geek line is reaching mmmmmm??" in his best Yoda voice but he sounded more like the Chicken Lady from Kids In The Hall. When I walked past the line people were dressed as Chewbaccas, Jawas, and Boba Fetts, with their leader The Star Wars Guy at the front of the line. If you don't know, The Star Wars Guy has been waiting in line since January first! He got evicted from the Cinerama for a while, so he moved to the imax but now he's back. I read an article about him, he's 27 and has spent 1/12 of his life waiting in line for Star Wars films.

I felt bad, for multiple reasons really, but there was a huge blast of thunder and lightning followed by a torrential down poor. Vintage 'I donated to PBS to save Red Dwarf' tee shirts were being absolutely drenched, smeared Darth Maul face paint was dripping on the ground, and people were chasing Magic The Gathering cards down a windy Fifth Avenue...it was a mess! Only eight more hours to go.

To be wet in the rain is one thing but to do so in a full Wookie costume that's another. A dirty, wet, Wookie. Nasty!

Interesting.

Did you know Wilford Brimley was a farmer and rodeo rider. After gaining weight he became a blacksmith then an actor. He was also a bodyguard to Howard Hughes.

Wholesale Hip Hop Clothing.

I just went to friendster today for the first time in a long while. I was impressed by the "popular searches" section of one of my friends.

Popular searches in [blank's] network.

signs of herpes
INDIE HAIR STYLES
hipster quiz
Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer character are you?
JOCKSTRAPS
tips on flirting
flirting signals
wholesale hip hop clothing
body language flirting
what indie-rock song are you quiz

Is this you?

Dixie Stampeded.

Yesterday evening after work I went to my kickball team Champain Jam's (pronounced champagne jam) Jamiforms design party. We chose pink and gold as our colors. I'll be wearing a pink and white striped, um, we'll call it a blouse, with a champagne glass in gold puffy paint on the chest and CJ on the right breast. I'm hoping to do more with it but that's what I've got so far.

After that, Heather and I went down to the LCD Soundsystem and M.I.A. show. M.I.A had some sound problems but were really fun to watch and LCD were amazing! A low point was when some fools tried to start a thankfully short lived crowd surf. It only lasted until the girl being surfed flowed into a group of people who were having none of it and went down hard. It was like I willed it to happen with my mind! Despite the crowd it was one of the funniest shows I've been to in a long time. My toes were tapping from beginning to end! After the show I went up to Wire to dance MORE. I'm sapped; it feels like I haven't stopped going all week. I'm looking forward to a weekend filled with rest and On Demand television watching.

Last weekend was busy and adventure filled too. I went out to the Moroccan restaurant in Capitol Hill with Heather and her friend Maria who was visiting from New York. When we walked in we were greeted by a belly dancer with a sarong full of dollars. Guys were staring at her like they were watching a Scores girl but they were with their families! It wasn't dirty by any means but had a thinking mans Hooters element to it that I didn't enjoy.

What made it worse for me personally was the belly dancer was randomly pulling people away from their dinners to dance. I stared down at my Chicken Bastilla and tried not to make eye contact. I have a phobia being a part of public dinner entertainment. I think it all stems from a summer trip my family took the summer before my senior year of high school.

My Family traveled to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, the "Appalachian Riviera" as it's known more commonly around those parts. As you might assume by my pasteyness I'm not a big fan of the sun. Because of that my family and I were at odds. I'd spent the whole week inside the condo watching HBO's coverage of Wimbledon. A game of Mini-golf was the only unanimously agreed upon activity all week. Tension was high going into our last night of vacation, which my step-dad decided would be spent at Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede.

Needless to say that as a teenager, I wasn't totally pumped about going to Dixie Stampede. Now I'd be like "point me to the chuck wagon…cuz I'm on it!" but those were more awkward times. Maybe you haven't heard of Dixie Stampede. It can only be found in Myrtle Beach, Branson, Pigeon Forge and other exclusive cities like those. Think of a Medieval Times style dinner theater but with Cowboys.

Mid-show the place goes dark and a huge spotlight shines down on my family. We had been selected to run buckets moonshine with our feet tied together in a contest verses another family. I was horrified! I was in the spotlight for a painful amount of time cringing while my family was at the edge of the light trying to coax me out. They kept pulling on me yelling "COME ON! COME ON!" until I held up the show long enough they threw in a rodeo clown as the forth person in my place. The next five minutes spent watching my family flop around with a rodeo clown in sand and horse shit was pure bliss. That ended when they got back and were pissed because I embarrassed them in front of the Dixie Stampede audience.

My future apologies go out to all belly dancers, jugglers, magicians, and clowns dinner entertainers but stay the fuck away from me...I'm traumatized.

Born Again.

I put up a review on Crown Dozen of "Born Again: The Rebirth of a Childhood Icon" which is where I got the cute Speak & Spell pic on my birthday post. Check it out here.

Birthday ideas for June 2nd.

A prototype of the ipod mixer.


Le Cybersongosse is a device used to teach French children about electronic music.


A Sarah Bergmann circut-bended Speak & Spell from the "Born Again : The Rebirth of a Childhood Icon" a one of twelve collaboration between Justin Gerardy and other artists.

A rose by any other name.

Yesterday I went out to lunch at The Crumpet Shop down in the Market. As some of you know this is a three to four time a week trip for me. I had a nice conversation with Rob who works there about the moivie Captain Ron. I sat down to eat while reading this weeks Stranger and saw a picture of someone that I thought was Booger from Revenge Of The Nerds but turned out was Rosie O'Donnell! See below.



I freaking missed Ridding The Bus With My Sister. Did anyone see it?

Meow!

Last night I ejected the Ludacris CD from my old ass graphite iMAC to install Tiger. I was soooo excited to get it (thanks John) because every time I've put a new operating system on my computer since Jaguar it extends her life a little longer. I thought I'd let Tiger do its thing for the two hours or so it takes while I trek outwards to see the always charming Lucksmiths. I had a great meal before hand at my favorite new pizza place Via Tribunali and after dinner a crew of us headed down to Ballard.

The show was good but the lady next standing next to me was annoying. At the start of the night she stared out yelling normal fanfare like "LUCKSMITHS" or "THIS SONG RULES" but as the show went on her comments became stranger. After the song Young And Dumb she yelled "I'M OLD AND DUMB" and started looking at people near her for acceptance. She looked dejected when people gave her nasty looks for being 'that drunk' and took a bi-polar turn downwards. From there on out it looked as if she was thinking "I'm old, dumb, and this isn't the life I expected for myself at 45". It was an odd spiral to witness. She only stayed for about two more songs and left.

When I came home Tiger had an error while it was installing and now my computer wont start, gerrr.

Back to work.

If there’s one truth about going to work at 8 in the morning it’s that most people walking around at that time are ugly and don’t dress well. I feel like the belle of the ball at 8 in the morning. The rare times I see someone looking good we exchange knowing "it's like '28 Days Later' out here...what's up with that?" glances with each other. Is it like this everywhere in town, or is this just a downtown thing?

A nice day off.

I spent the weekend in Portland for the Kanda house release party. It was really fun, although the cold I had last week combined with a hangover made for the worst hangover of my life the day of the party. I was so sick, like throw up sick, the all day! I looked like holy hell and was ducking out to the bathroom to throw up most of the party. It seemed very dramatic when the DJ was blaring Dusty Springfield while I was in the bathroom vomiting. I felt like a Class-A-Fool! I just imagine Kanda telling people "yeah, that's our label rep" with sound effects of me heaving behind them. They seemed to think it was pretty funny though, so maybe it was more like "hey, that's the lovable hobo who runs our record label". I can only hope.

I had a nice day off today. I was going to stay till Monday in Portland but I was so sick I came home with Brad early Sunday evening. Today I went out for coffee with my friend John, cashed in $32.73 worth of chance at coinstar, went to sonicboom and bought a Bridget Bardot DVD, did some much needed dish washing, and watched Herald and Kumar Go to Whitecastle, again. Heather watched with me but I think she was kind of lukewarm about it. She said it was a "guy movie".

I also talked to my grandmother today. She told me a great story about when she and Pa Paw Baker went to get their marriage license neither of them knew how old the other one was. She thought he was 35 and he thought she was 25. So when they went to get their license the lady asked how old my grandfather was and he said 28. As Ma Maw put it "the lady got real tickled when I looked so shocked". Then she asked my Ma Maw how old she was and Pa Paw was surprised that she was 33. "Is this going to be a problem?" she asked, and he said "it's not a problem with me if it's not with you" so they got married. On their wedding night Pa Paw looked at her in bed and said "just because your older than me don't think your going to be telling me what to do." I loved it, Ma Maw said "We both just got the biggest kick out of that"!