bathroom graffiti

I was talking to my friend Boo the other night about the funniest bathroom graffiti that I'd ever seen. This conversation was started because one of the urinals at 9 Pound Hammer in Georgetown had "piss like its stolen" written on it. I like the idea of that. I'm urinating so hard it's as if I'm doing it out of someone else's penis that I've taken from them and the cops are hot on my trail. Maybe that's what was going on over at the glass blowing place the other day.

So, the best graffiti that I've ever seen was on the instructions to a hand dryer in a bathroom. It had the pictures for, push button, place hands under dryer, and under the image where the heat waves are hitting the hands someone had written "receive bacon".

Cop and a half.

I kept hearing this little megaphone voice from a distance yesterday afternoon so I walked out in front of my work to see what was going on. Eight police cars were barricaded in front of the glass blowing place next door and cops were taking cover with handguns and shotguns pointed towards the building. I said "what the crap!" to myself and considering that guns were being pointed relatively close to me I went back inside. I've been searching all day for news about what was happening but I can't find anything. No one at work has heard anything either...has anyone heard anything about this?

Ma Maw Libby & Poppie.

My grandparents have been in town since last Tuesday. If you haven’t seen or heard from me in the last two weeks it's because most of my free time has been spent underground touring, duck boating, and Buca di Bepping...and the week prier to Tuesday was spent feverously cleaning my apartment.

I think they hated most of the things that I thought they would enjoy. Maybe not hated, didn't get, I should say, our Japanese super-grocery Uwajimaya for example:

Them : We were going to buy you some detergent. Where's that in here?
Me : Well I'm not really sure I'd want to get that here, I just thought you'd think this place was neat.
Them : It's a nice place, now let's go a store where we can buy you some detergent and dish washing liquid.

It's very sweet, but that "grandparent factor" makes them very hard to entertain. Some highlights:

*When I used Sweet N’ Low in my tea and my grandmother got really fired up about a period in collage when I stared using sugar instead because I was afraid of saccharin cancer. I remember it being a point of contention at the time but apparently it's a grudge that she’s held for the last 10 years. As soon as I ripped open the little pink package my grandmother let out an "I remember when you were too good for Sweet N' Low". What!? She'll call me at 5AM because she still can't get that whole East/West coast time difference thing, but me not using Sweet N' Low, now that’s worth remembering!

*PRIDE! All week they kept asking "the gays are having a parade?" Not in a "how dare they" sort of way, again, they just didn't get it. They have no basis of understanding, parades back home are marching bands, the local seniors 'jump rope for heart team", and lots of fire engines.

*My grandmother identifying anyone with a bag (plastic, paper, or backpack) as homeless. Then for the rest of the week she kept talking about how "Hoopty" was homeless once. After much deliberating between me and my cousin we finely figured out that "Hoopty" is Whoopi Goldberg.

Kanda Karaoke Kontest.

Here's the details for the Karaoke Kontest that we posted on Bop Tart. If our panel of STAR judges deem it so friends are eligible to win. We're looking for as Kanda put it "enthusiasm and (for some of you) complete drunkeness". Details are below:

Big news, we’re having a Kanda ‘All The Good Meetings Are Taken’ karaoke contest! A panel of STAR judges will choose the best song and video versions of the following tracks:

arctic
they’ll need cocaine
white pants
frankie

The winner of best video will receive an ipod shuffle with the entire Bop Tart catalogue including exclusive unreleased Kanda tracks and other Bop Tart band Rarities! The winners of the best songs will be included on a future Kanda release on Bop Tart and will get Bop Tart CDs, Kanda Tees, Kanda and Bop Tart posters designed by Seripop, and other prizes! The deadline for entry is August 15th. Just write kandapop@earthlink.net with your address and we will send you a free Karaoke CD and lyric sheets.

The new.

By the way, I post drafts that I start to write on the date that I started writing them, so you may have to look down a few days to find new stuff. It's the weekend so I've got time to finish everything up. Thank you for your consideration.

Best movie ever?!

I saw this on rottentomatoes today and my head just about esploded. A new movie that will be coming out about "three household pets [bunny, cat, and dog] stolen by the government and turned into armor-suited killers by a clandestine military program. The lethal trio of furries escape just prior to being "decommissioned" and decide to find their way home with the government in hot pursuit." Click here for more...

This reminded me of the time that a friend and I went to see the movie Baby Geniuses thinking it had 'so bad I'll mess in my pants' potential. It was also therapeutic because it was my attempt to get over my fear of talking babies. Not "ga ga goo goo" or "ma ma da da" talking baby's, but babies talking with adult mouths. For example, that show (and the more annoying Quiznos commercial because I can't avoid it) with Baby Bob or the preview for that terrible looking "My Baby's Daddy" movie where the baby says "what up dawg" to his dad. Talking babies make my skin craw. As you might expect, Baby Geniuses was bad...and not it a good way. What would it take to compound and cement an already existent fear of taking babies further? Let's see, how about throwing in some bizzaro sexual innuendo between babies! Seriously, like insinuating that two babies just had sex in a stroller and then girl baby's all like "call me later". I was a poor poooooor attempt to appeal to adults and...just...ugg.

(SIDE NOTE: Before anyone asks [as Heather recently did] no, the "Look Who's Talking" babies don't freak me about because they were just thinking and not actually talking with their mouths)

Gabba Gabba Fay.

Champain Jammm, our pink punk rock pansy of a kickball team played the Private School Punks tonight. Bud, the PSP's coach was was on my team the two years prior so it was Sizzer Kid/Hallelujah, Joy on the Mountain (our other teams) brother vs. brother. Sadly, it was raining so we couldn't unveil the Champain Jam mascot outfit that we spent all week building for Heather. I don't know if a description will do it justice, I'll just say that it's fully equipped with a machine that blows bubbles out of the cork and we'll leave it at that. It looks sweeeeeet, I'll put up some pics next week! We lost, but I think we would have won if we would have had our mascot. We'll have it next week so El Camino better get prepared to be El Cajamoed. To prove good sportsmanship ain't dead we'll even provide the cinder bocks for them to prop themselves up on when we're done jamming them.

You got Arbuckled.

Not nearly often enough do I think about the landmark 'Fatty' Arbuckle rape trial of 1921. Thankfully today our Security guard at work, Wally, started comparing the Jacko and Fatty cases. It was about the only Jacko commentary that I could have tolerated at that point after hearing everyone at work flip out all day about MJ. I mean I'll admit, I totally kept refreshing my news when they gave that five minutes till the verdict warning but then I got distracted by an article about Katie Holmes converting to Scientology for Tom. He has a "minder" travel with her now you know. Yup.

Fame Whore.

Oh crap, I've been so wrapped up with birthdays and teeth I forgot mention that I got the interview I did with Jon Moritsugu back and it's super good. I'll post it here when it goes up on Crown.

Here's a pic from Scumrock.

No-Cav.

I went to the DDS for the first time in three or so years today. I heart going to the dentist, my mouth feels so clean! I was also exposed to a new innovation, get this, grape latex flavored gloves! Overall, my teeth are pretty good. I'm still a long time member of the No-Cavity Club but because of waiting so long between appointments my gums aren't so hot. They cleaned my upper teeth today and I've got two additional appointments for my lower teeth in July. The hygienist said "knocking plaque off teeth is like knocking the barnacles off a boat [pause] it's really cool for me. Word! My upper teeth feel great, I can't wait to have my lower ones done too! As much as I love the dentist I'm still a little pensive about this other news, on July 28th I'm having my wisdom teeth removed. Errr.

I also grabbed a quick snap shot of another kind of plaque (pun, intended) at the dentist. It didn't say "proudly serving old people, retards, and black people (possibly retarded black people) since 2002", but it should have.

Birthday pics.

Shit eatin' grin.

Birthday 29 of 2005 was a rebel rousing success!

Night one highlight: I called Ipanema Brazilian Grill earlier that day and said "a few of us are coming tonight around 7ish" to which the hostess replied "we don't make reversions for parties fewer than six and we have a private party at 9 but you'll be fine up until 8:30." When we arrived at seven they had pretty much closed and were only serving bar food. What made this extra annoying was the jerkface that I dealt with when we arrived denied that I had been told coming around 7 would fine...very very rude! After that unnecessary mess, we went to the Bizzarro Italian Cafe in Wallingford. It was yummy and there was free birthday wine so I was happy as a clam.

Highlight night two: I had a number of friends show up at my DJ set and then we went to sing Karaoke in the ID. I performed Benny and The Jets and I got to see the ever so talented Ingrid perform which is always a treat.

Highlight night three: My birthday day on Saturday was a wonderfully epic fun filled day! I went out to a delicious breakfast with Heather at Dragonfish and then I did some shopping for my birthday party outfit. At about one I rushed home to get ready for Kickball opening day. An elaborate and abstract opening day "performance art" piece was written for me during the practice that I missed on Thursday. We placed a treasure chest (that Pam took Friday off work to build) at center field. Dressed as a pirate, I mockingly lumber to the chest and say "Arrrr, alas, I've found my booty, my favorite treasure of all" which I open and yell "IT'S POOP!" In case someone didn't hear me the point was subtlety emphasized by the opened chest having fake shit in it and "POOP" written top of the inside. The bit was again, subtlety I think, driven home by me shoving handfuls of brown pudding down my gullet then rubbing it erotically over my chest while yelling things "Arrrrrg, I love shit" & "look at me, I'm a pirate, and shit's my favorite thing in the world" and my personal favorite "arrrrrrr germs". As I yelled my taunts and flung shit on our opponents each member of my team Champain Jammm stood behind me with letters that spelled out "YOU ARRRR LAME" which they then dropped to come bum rush and beat me down. We lost the game in overtime but I feel it was a moral victory. Photos of the skit and our after game celebration below.

After a long shower to clean the fake poop off me we headed to the Panda for my party! So fun! I made a birthday grab-bag full of hello kitty socks, tofu guy zipper clips, Pom Pom Purin candy tins, and other fun items for people who came to the party. The highlight of the night was when Heather "best girlfriend in the world" Nolting gave me one of the circuit bent speak & spells that I JOKINGLY requested people get me for my birthday. She also brought party favors and mini bunt-cakes for everyone to enjoy. Despite some of my greatest meals being Heather creations and her being a former junk food cook off winner she was worried her bundt cakes weren't good enough. They were of course great and for added confirmation of that at the end of the night I saw Brad, Corey, and Erik taking some to for later. I said, "see look the gays are running off with all your extra cakes, they must be good!", she agreed. It was a super night of drinking and hanging out with friends, exactly what I had in mind. It was so great to see everyone! A huge thanks to everyone who showed up, it was one of my best birthdays in recent memory!




Now it's time to start thinking about the three zero next year.

Birthday no shy, hush hush Gemini.

It's my birthday and I'm at work, blah. I've never worked on my birthday before! In the past I always take the day off. I know that, as Heather politely put it "almost all adult people have had to work on their birthdays" but the only child in me just ain't having it. Despite them having no way of knowing, I was irritated this morning when not enough people at work were wishing me a happy birthday. I had to ask my friend Robin to do a WORK-ALL email to tell everyone. You may see this move as needy but I feel that it gave everyone the opportunity to make an informed decision as to if they wanted to wish me a happy birthday or not. The "happy birthdays" started to roll in after that and things got better ...but I'm still at work...er.

I haven't been feeling old for any birthday related reasons but yesterday at work we got in a Alanis Morissette 'Jagged Little Pill' ten year anniversary edition. My ten year reunion last year (no, I declined to go) didn't make me feel old but fucking Alanis Morissette's poop ass CD reissue did. Weird. I guess it's becasue I equate everything it terms of music and fashion.

Here's what I'm going to be doing for my birthday from an email I sent out to my friends.

Dear friends,

It's my mother fucking birthday! What can be expected for the following weekend? Well, a harmonic oscillator is a mechanical system in which there exists a returning force F directly proportionate to the displacement x, i. An example of this would be Boyles self-flowing flask fills it (diagram included below). How is this weekend smilier to Mr. Boyles flask you ask? You can also look to my birthday for another example of perpetual motion cuz there ain't no party like a Lindsey party cuz a Lindsey party don't stop!

The plan tonight is for a low key dinner at the Ipanema Brazilian Grill (new restaurant from the owners of the Buenos Aires grill) ) around 8 and possibly some drinks afterwards. If anyone would like to come to dinner let me know because I'm going to make reservations. Tomorrow I have to DJ at the Whisky Bar from 6-10 but please stop by and birthday with us if you'd like. We'll most likely go to Bush Gardens afterwards for some karaoke! But my "real party" party will be Saturday where I'll be chillin' at the at The Panda AKA the Broadway Wok & Grill (614 Broadway Ave E, Seattle, next door to the Jade Pagoda) I love you all you guys more than you'll ever know so come and pay your respects to me on my 29th year on this earth!