spook 'em.

If anyone has Comcast On-Demand, I highly recommend checking out 'Legend Of Leigh Bowery' in the free movies. Amazing! In fact, Palm Pictures is showing a bunch of great movies apart of their video-on-demand film fest until next month.

Tooth vacation.

Yey insurance! I got my upper and lower wisdom teeth taken out this morning. Now I'm on a diet of soup, advil, hydro-codeine, and popsicles. I'm feeling decent though. Post surgery I even went to Scarecrow and got some movies. 'Gap-Toothed Women' (tooth movies seemed à propos) a documentary about distinguished gap-toothed women such as Lauren Hutton and Sandra Day O'Connor. Another documentary, (and one of my favorites) Ross McElwee's 'Sherman's March' and K. Gordon Murray's Puss 'n Boots.

My new headshot for gigs.

Heaven Merkin.

Was our pre-game taunt was a little too high concept this week? Perhaps. We were playing Hell Toupee so the only logical taunt was to make wearable "Heaven Merkins", right? Don't know what a "Heaven Merkin" is? Neither did our opponents. When we came towards them with fake pubes on our crotches they looked totally baffled! Realizing that this was a possibility ahead of time I thought handing out definitions explaining the merkins might be a good idea, quote:

What is a merkin?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as the "female pudendum” or "counterfeit hair for ones privy parts," and another dictionary calls it a "pubic hair wig used as a “cure” for syphilis after the area was shaved.”

We possess the Heaven Merkin!!

Great in theory...right?! No. In sports, apparently, "high concept" needs to be a little more energetic. For example, flinging fake poop = good...handing definitions to people = bad.

Ummmmm...wait a second...what's f'n better than handing people a definition of freaking HEAVEN MERKINS! We're geniuses. I'm glad I've come full circle with this, Champain Jammm rulez!!!!

Below are some photos of the gagworthy poor mans merkins I made and other pics from the game.

Honky Tonk Responsibly.

We got a Country song in at work last week called “Too Much Blood In My Alcohol Level”. That’s all good and well, what irked me was the warning on the CD stating "Honky Tonk Responsibly! We support designated drivers, MADD, and The American Red Cross, give blood." Christ, when did every popular country singer become a total pussywad?

You're cool now, you fucking dork.

From the perspective of the person who had this conversation with me at work...

Person at work: You know you are really too much. You're really cool now, do you know that?
Me: Um, well, thank you.
PAW: Yeah, I just read an article in the P.I. about how geeks are cool now.
Me: (blank stare)
PAW: Yeah, like your big glasses all of that, it's cool now!
Me: (blank stare)
PAW: (excited to be relating to me stare)

...what did they think my response to this might be?

"That's great, if you ever need any repairs done on your computer you just let me know."

What the fuck! So I looked for the article. Apparently the authors "case in point" is that some High School orchestra kids in a Chicago suburb all got t-shirts that say "ORCH DORKS" on them. Now that geek is sheik they can do that, but before they would received an American History X style curbing from their more popular class mates.

Wedding crashers.

The Movie Guy at work was kind enough to give me a sneak preview pass to see Wedding Crashers this past Monday. It's really good; I highly advise it for the fans of Old School. Hearing me and The Movie Guy talk about Wedding Crashers a few times this week has provoked our security guard to tell an especially cringe-worthy story. I've heard him tell this twice now, once to me and then again to our director of client services (the closest thing we have to a HR person here in Seattle). I'll paraphrase to the best of my ability:

A buddy of mine and I were a few sheets to the wind and we crashed a wedding reception long time back ago. It was one of these debutante weddings and everyone there was real classy. This proper lady came up to me and said "you've got a lot of chest hair" so I said "that's not chest hair, it's my pubic hair GONE WILD". Then she ran off screaming, it was just one of those classic reactions, you know?

Seriously, you don't know how much it does my poor heart good to have someone around work that will talk about shits and pubes. Speaking of pubes I found a quote about Rudi Gernreich today that I liked. "He bared breasts and pubic hair, shaved heads and bodies, and passed out guns, all in the name of fashion." - Marylou Luther

Ok, here's a picture of Paris Hilton that I found on my new favorite blog The Superficial

Claire Elmore.

I saw the doppelganger for my friend Claire Elmore eating at the Crumpet Shop today. It was uncanny; she looked like Claire everything down to the cat’s eye glasses. I’m realize that’s the easy association, ‘cat’s eye glasses = you look like Claire’ could be like peoples grossly inaccurate ‘bald head = you look like Moby’ for me, but I swear in this case the girl REALLY looked like Claire. Seeing doppelganger Claire reminded me how delightfully bizarre real Claire was, uncanny shit would happen to her on a daily basis.

While working phone customer service for Iomega in Huntington she fell in love with one of her customers ON A CALL and soon afterwards moved to Florida to be with him. He owned a tech business that created a new device for emergency vehicles that broke into car radio signals letting people know that there was an emergency. For example, if a police car with its siren on was within one hundred feet of your car a message would play on the radio saying “please move aside, an emergency vehicle is approaching”.

The last time I talked to Claire she sent me a video of a news story about that device saying “check it out I was on the news”. I watch the clip and I don’t see her anywhere so she tells me to watch it again, more closely. When I watched it again, although she’s not in the entire story, I noticed that her voice is the robot that says “please move aside, an emergency vehicle is approaching”. I think a few cities have started using this technology, if yours is one of them, I’m proud to say that’s my friend! If you’re wondering (as you may assume by her voice being his robot muse) at that point things were still going really well with her boyfriend and that was years after the customer service call that sparked their romance.

Sadly, that’s the last time I heard from Claire. Claire Elmore, I doubt you google your name as much as I do, but if you do and find this please email me.

Cup #23.

My friend Adam forwarded this prize on to a few of us this morning:

Click here...

As our friend Aaron replied "It's so nice to see Mr. Cross using his fame to torment those who just don't get it." Indeed.

Diddy.

Watching one of my new favorite shows "P. Diddy Presents the Bad Boys of Comedy" has me thinking, how would my life be different if my name was Mookadean?

Note 7/13: On reviewing all the episodes of "P. Diddy Presents the Bad Boys of Comedy" available in the On-Demand section of my cable it actually kind of sucks. Apparently, I lucked out and saw two funny episodes in a row.

A Bastille Day To Remember.

Heather begrudgingly went to see Land of the Dead with me yesterday. She agreed to do so only after I told her she could pull the 'zombie card' on me later and I would go see Two If By Sea Two or something girly with her at a later date. I thought Land Of The Dead was great, she thought it "kept her entertained".

After that, we met up with Pam at some weird citywide bar yard sell thing at the Mirabeau Room. A group of over 50 local bars had donated the items in their lost and founds with the proceeds going to the, quite worthy of the dough, Vera Project. We arrived a little past the one o'clock start so there wasn't much to offer. Either the good stuff had been picked though or there's a huge divide between people who leave shit out while drinking, and people who leave shit out while drinking and come back and get it the next day (my demographic). Based on the ugg-o clothes and a number of other reasons let's assume the latter, it would certainly make me feel better about myself. I did find a cute vintage cardigan with three multi-colored diamonds on the breast and Heather found an old red and blue American Airlines stewardess skirt! I had better luck in CDs, where I got CD's by Kimya Dawson, Damon & Naomi, Sparrow, Orange Juice, and another that I can't currently remember.

We were out of the yard sell pretty quick so we decided to walk over to Seattle Center. We followed the location on a sign that said "Magic: The Gathering Pro Tour Semi-Finals" only to find out that happened the day before. Shit! Luckily, we did laser tag, bumper cars, and some playing in that squirting fountain to entertain ourselves. Walking around more, we found a Bastille Day celebration. We ate cheese and kicked soccer balls, tre bon!

Oh, good news, today's my first day back at 8 am (instead of 7) at work...my circadian rhythm is feeling good as a mother fucker right now.

hi fructose.

My friend Adam and I did an interview with Gary Bassman in the debut issue of Hi Fructose...on news stands now!

To the max!

Here's the itinerary from my action packed forth of July weekend.

Friday

7-10:40 p.m. - Went to a work party for my wonderful boss Dawnelle who sadly will be leaving as of Tuesday.


Saturday

8:00-10:40 p.m. - As if I dreamed this pairing up myself, I saw wrestling (the Pin Down Girls) and Sesku Roba play at Neumos.


11:00-2:30 a.m. - Went to my friend Peter Lynch's birthday party.


Sunday

12:40-5:30 p.m. - I shopped with my friend Pam down at the market getting ingredients for my 3rd annual Junk Food Cook off dishes.

5:30-6:45 p.m. - Made popcorn cooked in bacon grease with bacon and bacon wrapped dates with cream cheese.

7:15-10:30 p.m. - Ate and ate and ate and ate at the junk food cook off (other junk food included: Pulled pork sandwich, waffles with fried chicken and syrup, Krispy Kreme bread pudding for desert.)


11:52 p.m. (MDT) - My name got blowed up on Deep Impact. See more about that here.


Monday

1:30-4:00 p.m. - Downloaded new music off the internet.

5:00-6:00 p.m. Heather and I went to Linda's DJ set, missed Linda because she didn't come in till six.

6:00-7:00 p.m. Walked to QFC to buy party supplies for dinner at my cousins apartment (party supplies included: ranch dip, KC masterpiece BBQ baked lays, "natural" ruffles chips, six-pack of Stellas, flowers - Heather's idea).

7:15-10:30 p.m. Ate a delicious food and watched fireworks from the roof of my cousins building (food included: burgers, fries, ice cream, all homemade).